Jokes

I have decided to compile my jokes here. Visitors with same frequency may resonate with me.


Chill – July/2017

J: Your job is so nice. While I am chilling at home.

Z: Haha, at least you are still human.

Z (continued): Haven’t turned into chilli.


Role Model – March/2017

J: You are such as role model.

Z: Yeah, I know right. There is even a building in Orchard Road named after me.

J: Huh what building?

Z: Paragon.


 Hey, you know what – 4/July/2016

<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks?
<TheXPhial> vaccuums
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense?
<TheXPhial> black holes
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn’t cool?
<TheXPhial> lava?


Proposal – 22/Apr/2015 #algorithm

One day a certificate proposed to me.

And I said “yes, np.”


Logging – 18/March/2015 #software

(Discussing our software project written in Java)

J: How do I do logging ah?

W: You cut the tree.


Date – 8/March/2015 #software

“Hey, I need a date.”
“Okay. Any requirements?”
“Nope. I just need a date.”
“Okay. Here you go.
Date date = new Date();”


 Orientation – 22/July/2014 #general

M: Oh, they are having a dry run at the tennis court. (Water games)
C: No, it is wet run.


 Yellow and Black – 1/July/2014 (from Facebook) #music

A:    My friend once went for a Coldplay concert in China.

And it was all Yellow.

M:   He then went to India.

To join the black parade.


String – 28/Apr/2014 #general
M: You are very dependent.
J: You can also say I’m very resourceful. I am able pull the strings.
M: But you will also have strings attached.


Buy back – 19/Apr/2014 #dota
(At MacDonalds)
W: Having here?
M: No, buy back.


Static – 24/March/2014 #software

(In a QQ group chat)

L: Why are their emotions animated(moving) but not mine?

M: Because they never add static in front.


Hairy – 23/March/2014 #general

M: Imagine you have a short blanket which cannot cover your feet. If you cut the top part of blanket and put it at bottom, you can cover your feet, but your chest will be exposed.

A: Some people’s chests are hairy so they do not need protection.

M: Oh, like Harry Potter?


Void – 23/March/2014 #software #dota

A: How does it feel like to have no girlfriend?

J: Lonely, void…

M: It is good to be void, then you do not need to return anything.

J: Glad that I have face, otherwise I would be faceless void. (Nice try J!)

(Below are jokes before this page was created)


 Hot – 2013 #general

A: Not all girls from Science are hot.

M: But those who have fever are definitely hot.


Next – 2013 #software

(At MacDonald’s)

M: Why are we queuing in this queue?

A: Because the other one says “next counter please”.

M: But they never implement iterator.


Time – 2013 #general

A: I don’t have enough time.

M: You should get a yearly subscription, saves you a lot of money.


 Calculus – 2013 #math

A: Eh! I want to know which topic (in calculus) is more important.

T: They are all important!

M: And they are all integrated.

J: But you should differentiate them.

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